Pictures of You
by Aquagirl15
Summary: Bella has left for Alaska with Edward. Before Jacob gets a chance to say goodbye, she's gone. But Bella didn't forget Jake when she left. Find out what she left Jacob that proves she loved him too. Song: Pictures of you by The Last Goodnight. Jacob's POV.


**AN: Told in Jacob's POV, just one idea of what he might be thinking when Bella finally leaves. Obviously takes place after Eclipse, but talks mainly about things that happen in New Moon. One-sided Jacob/Bella. Or is it? Enjoy! **

**Bold** song lyrics

_Italics_ thoughts and written pieces

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Twilight_ or any affiliated titles, all of which belong to Stephenie Meyer. I also don't own the song _Pictures of You _which is by The Last Goodnight. Any products, name brands, etc that may be mentioned also do not belong to me. Sad ain't it?**

**Pictures of You **

It was Wednesday. Normally this wouldn't be a bad thing, ya know? Most of the time Wednesday is just another day of the week. But this week Wednesday felt like the end of the world for me. This week it was the day that Bella planned to leave with that bloodsucker. They were going to Alaska pretending they were enrolled for college up there. But the Quileute werewolves knew better. _I_ knew better. He was taking Bella up there to… change her. I knew this was coming. It had been coming ever since the big battle between the Cullens, us, and the other leeches. But I had had some hope that Bella would back out in the end.

I didn't know when she would leave. I spent the whole school day wondering if she was gone yet, wondering if I would have time to say goodbye. Wondering if the bloodsucker would let me. I waited. When school finally let out I drove to Bella's house in the Rabbit she had so recently sat in with me. Charlie wasn't home yet, which was probably a good thing. I was going to embarrass myself enough in front of Bella; Charlie would just have been too much. I let myself into the house; it was unlocked seeing as no one in Forks would be stupid enough to break into the sheriff's house. I sat on the couch and waited some more.

**This is the clock up on the wall; this is the story of us all.**

**This is the first sound of a newborn child before he starts to crawl.**

**This is the war that's never won; this is a soldier and his gun.**

**This is the mother waiting by the phone praying for her son.**

I felt like a little kid waiting impatiently for his mother to get back home. I felt like Bella must have felt last year when she knew my brothers and I were out hunting the bloodsucker Victoria. I could imagine her sitting on this very couch, biting her lip, glancing at the phone and hoping, praying I would call. At least that's what my mind had me see. I really had no idea what she did while I wasn't with her. But I could dream. And what I saw when I closed my eyes was a hell of a lot better than what was happening now.

An unwelcome, but now familiar, surge of anger overpowered me as I thought of the one bloodsucker I would always be fighting. Damn the treaty, he would always be my enemy even if I couldn't rip out his throat and end this never-ending battle. As far as I was concerned, I would be fighting Edward for Bella until the very end. Until she became one of the creatures I was made to destroy. But thinking these things didn't make me feel better. In fact, they just made me long even more for the thing I would never have: Bella's love in return for mine. Even friendship would be enough for me. I just wanted things back the way they were when the Cullens were gone.

**Pictures of you, pictures of me, hung up on your wall for the world to see.**

**Pictures of you, pictures of me, remind us all of what we used to be.**

**Whoa…**

I heard a car door slam. I looked up expectantly, but I knew the smell that greeted me wasn't Bella's. I hoped I had made some mistake in my recognition, after all, Charlie and Bella smelled a lot alike being related and all. To my disappointment, Charlie walked through the door. He put his coat up methodically and slowly hung his gun belt on its hanger. Finally, he turned to look at me. He didn't seem surprised.

"Hey Jake," he said as pleasantly as possible. He wasn't mad at me for breaking in; at least I didn't think so. No, Charlie seemed sad and lonely to me. I felt a pang at Charlie's pain filled face. Bella was the one thing that could make the both of us better. She was like some kind of magic pill that cured our pain. Only, our salvation was taken away from us by a vindictive, selfish force. I had to clench my fists to keep them from shaking as I thought, once again, about Edward. About how much I hated him… But I wasn't the one facing a life changing decision. Bella was. I could only hope she would make the right choice, whether for me or for herself. Until we knew, all anyone could do was wait.

**There is a drug that cures it all blocked by a governmental wall.**

**We are the scientists in the lab just waiting for the call.**

**This earthquake weather has got me shaking.**

**Inside I'm high up and dry.**

"Bella's gone." Charlie said unnecessarily. Well I had figured as much by the performance Charlie had been giving. I nodded anyway to be polite and stood up.

"I'll go then, sorry to bother you Charlie. Billy sends his greetings, even though he doesn't know I'm here."

"Nah, you don't have to go Jacob. I'd rather you stay actually; it'll get lonely here tonight without Bella. She might have left something for you. When… _he _came to pick her up she muttered something about you and her bedroom."

"Ok," I said uncertainly. Why would Bella have left something for me? As far as I knew, she had stopped believing I existed when she decided to go with him. Well, I didn't really blame her. The terms _he_ gave her made Bella pretty much unreachable for me. I headed for the stairs, but stopped when I heard Charlie open his mouth to say something.

"I miss the friendship you and Bella had, you know?" He said, looking at me closely. "Things were easier then…" Charlie didn't have to finish his sentence. I knew he meant things were easier when the Cullens had gone and Bella had sort of restarted her life with me as her best friend. How many times had I thought the same thing?

**Pictures of you, pictures of me, hung up on your wall for the world to see.**

**Pictures of you, pictures of me, remind us all of what we used to be.**

"Yeah…" I agreed hopelessly and continued up to Bella's room. I saw what Charlie had been talking about the moment I entered the room. On the bed was a scrapbook with a folded piece of paper on top. I grabbed the paper and unfolded it, curious about the scrapbook. This was a funny thing to leave for me. What was Bella doing?

_Dear Jake, _

_By the time you read this note, I'll have left Forks forever. I know that sounds horrible to you, but it's the way things will have to be. If I keep my end of the deal and Edward keeps his, I won't be the kind of… _being_ you can even look at, much less be friends with. I just wanted to tell you that I never meant this to hurt you so bad. I wanted to say all this in person but, well, Edward said it was too dangerous for me to be around you. Especially now that I've made my decision. Yeah right, like you'd ever hurt me, no matter how much you disprove of vampires. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. _

_Jake you must know that all this time I wasn't using you. You were never a replacement for Edward. I do truly love you, but in a way I can never explain. The feelings I have for you and Edward are so different, I couldn't compare them if I tried. I don't even know if 'love' is the right term for the feelings I have for either of you. I guess the smart thing to do would have been to test my feelings. I should have been your girlfriend for a while before taking this step. But wise people have said, it's now or never, and there's no turning back. Besides, it seems selfish for a girl like me to be able to have a choice like that. I know I don't deserve _either_ of you. _

_I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here, what I'm trying to do. My hope is that this letter will explain some things to you, and it's been a place for me to confess. Edward promised me he would never leave me, and after what happened last year I don't know if I could survive if he did. Is that not love? I don't know. I'm so mixed up. If I love Edward, then what were you and I? What _are_ we? Surely not _just_ friends, you proved that several times when you kissed me. I proved it by kissing back… _

_I'm sorry that I didn't pick you Jake . There's just something in me that feels tied to Edward in some strange way. I won't go into details because I know it will just hurt you more. I just hope that one day you will be able to move on. I hope that you'll be able to forgive me, to forgive what I'm going to become. I love you. You are my personal sun, and I don't think I could survive in a world where the sun was angry with me. I don't think anyone could. Be happy Jake, be yourself for Billy and Charlie, for Emily and the rest of the pack. Take care of everyone for me. _

_Love, _

_Bella_

**Confess to me every secret moment, every stolen promise you believe.**

**Confess to me all that lies between us, all that lies between you and me.**

I dropped Bella's letter and it fluttered to the floor at my feet. I didn't know what to feel after reading all that. So she did love me, in some detached, confusing way. That, at least, was comforting. But knowing that she had come so close to being mine, well, that just made me hate Edward even more. To distract myself I moved to the scrapbook. Bella hadn't said anything about it in her letter, but I assumed it was for me. However strange it was, the scrapbook was the last thing of Bella that I had. At least, that's what I thought until I opened it up.

The book was, naturally, filled with pictures. But not just any pictures, pictures of me and her, Billy, Sam and the rest of the pack, Emily, La Push, the beach, our tree stump, the charm I made for her bracelet, our motorcycles, the Rabbit… Everything, it seemed, that connected me to her and her to me. As I sat there looking at the faces of the people we knew, and the places we loved, I couldn't help wondering where Bella had gotten these pictures. But I guessed it didn't matter. They would prove that she was real and she was there. Bella wouldn't disappear into everyone's memory like the Cullens eventually would. At least, she wouldn't disappear into my memory.

**We are the boxers in the ring; we are the bells that never sing.**

**There is a title we can't win no matter how hard we must swing.**

**Pictures of you, pictures of me, hung up on your wall for the world to see.**

**Pictures of you, pictures of me, remind us all of what we could have been.**

I must have spent hours up there in Bella's tiny bedroom, sitting on her bed, looking at the scrapbook she had given me. It was almost as if every moment the two of us had spent together was documented in the photographs before me. Some of the pictures had captions Bella had written in her own, slightly messy, but still pretty handwriting. Others had room for me to write my own descriptions. Finally, I turned the page and there was only one picture left.

It was Bella and me sitting together on a log bench before a blazing fire. I remembered the night this photo had been taken. It was on one of the rare occasions Bella had managed to sneak into La Push to come see me. We had had a bonfire for no particular reason, but that was fine. My arm was around Bella's shoulders and her head was lying against my chest. Bella's eyes were closed and she was clearly fast asleep. We looked like… like a couple in that picture.

"So that's what I look like when I'm with her…" I whispered to myself. I stared at my double that was in the photo. There was bliss in my eyes as I looked at Bella. It was clear, even from a picture, that I _adored_ her. I don't think I'd ever looked happier in my life.

**Pictures of you, pictures of me, hung up on your wall for the world to see.**

**Pictures of you, pictures of me, remind us all of what we could have been.**

I made up my mind quickly. I knew there was nothing I could do to get Bella back, that much was true. I could do as she wished, though. I could be myself; I could take care of everyone. I could, maybe, even be happy after it all. The one thing I couldn't do was move on. But no one needed to know that. Bella hadn't asked me to do that anyway. I hurried downstairs and out of the house before Charlie could even look away from the TV. I was in the Rabbit and hurtling back to La Push in record time. I put the scrapbook safely in the passenger seat of the car, promising myself I would never let anything happen to it.

When I got home, I jumped out of the Rabbit and transformed so quickly that even Sam would have been impressed. I ran into the woods, abandoning my shredded school clothes. Billy would understand. I listened hard for another voice in my head.

"_Jake_?" Sam's thoughts finally met my subconscious.

"_Yeah_," I replied.

"_Is she gone_?"

"_Gone before I ever got outta school, probably_." I answered, being careful to keep the pain from my thoughts.

**Could have been**

"_Are you gonna be ok_?" Sam asked, finally getting to the part of the conversation I wanted. He was blunt; Sam didn't like to beat around the bush when it came to werewolf things.

"_Yeah, it's like everyone was saying_." I lied smoothly. "_I never imprinted on her, it was just a crush_."

**We could have been**

"_Well, ok, if you say so_." Sam said. I didn't know if he really believed me or not, but I did know he would pass the word on to the rest of the pack. Assuming they weren't listening in already and just keeping quiet. I didn't care. Let them believe what they wanted. The truth of the matter was I would never be ok.

**What could have been…**


End file.
